I don't feel like I am strong enough for this. I don't know if I can help him. If I can pick him back up. He was doing so well. Is this just going to be a phase or has he fallen again? Will he feel better in a few days or weeks or ever? I'm terrified. Terrified I can't make him feel better. Terrified that if when I'm with him I feel that distance I feel now, I will run. I don't want to run. I want him. I want to be safe.
That cuntwhore taught me more than anything else that when the person I love is down, I will suffer. That if I can't help them, I will be hurt because of it.
He isn't like that.
God.. I already want to run. I already want to run to someone else.
The problem, I have that someone in mind. I can handle that. But if he pushes me? I will stay. My body will stay. But I know by now.. if I don't do this so fucking carefully.. my heart will soon wander.
I am a self-destructive, worthless, weak whore.
I don't want to be this anymore.